the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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