i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
