george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize