batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
