When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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