Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
