this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
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I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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