Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I was not drunk enough for that final.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
