Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
