I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
