I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize