if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
