we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
