why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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