I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize