Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Randomize
