she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
