yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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