The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
