I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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