his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
