whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
you had me at cake vodka
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
