Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
there is glitter all over my balls
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