Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
