dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
