...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
