did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
