alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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