you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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