It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
