found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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