and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
splinters make it hard to masturbate
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
