May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
