I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
