i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
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what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
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