Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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