They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
