I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.