he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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