I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
