i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize