well I can't set my house on fire every night
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
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