in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
