You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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