She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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