I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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