There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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