im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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