we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
