Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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