At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Say something about gay babies.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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