You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
