That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I think my moral compass just broke
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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