butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
