I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
