this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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