I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
