You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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