saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
